No Time to Cut My Hair
A Ninety-day Adventure in Short Story Writing

by William Michaelian

Author’s Note:
Welcome to my latest assault on common sense.
If you like what you find here, please tell everyone you know.
In fact, tell everyone you don’t know.
(A full-page ad in your local newspaper will do just fine.)


Dedication:
For Archie, Kirk, Willie, and Al — wise old elks and lovers of bullfrogs


Preface

August 2002
Story 1: The Old Language — Post Date: August 2 (885 words)
Story 2: Poppy — Post Date: August 3 (1,632 words)
Story 3: Cold Beer on a Hot Day — Post Date: August 5 (2,031 words)
Story 4: The Artist with the Frozen Teeth — Post Date: August 6 (945 words)
Story 5: The Empty Room — Post Date: August 8 (1,875 words)
Story 6: Oliver Hansen — Post Date: August 10 (2,841 words)
Story 7: Three Verses — Post Date: August 11 (567 words)
Story 8: The Zahmprufin Affair — Post Date: August 12 (1,344 words)
Story 9: Life Unplugged — Post Date: August 14 (664 words)
Story 10: Homeless — Post Date: August 15 (1,144 words)
Story 11: Lines — Post Date: August 16 (1,100 words)
Story 12: Stupid Beautiful Country — Post Date: August 18 (1,246 words)
Story 13: After the Rain Came — Post Date: August 20 (3,284 words)
Story 14: In Praise of Modern Medicine — Post Date: August 22 (1,254 words)
Story 15: Lumps on a Gourd — Post Date: August 24 (1,554 words)
Story 16: A Threat to Security — Post Date: August 25 (1,334 words)
Story 17: Broken Dishes — Post Date: August 26 (723 words)
Story 18: Aram’s Funeral — Post Date: August 28 (1,760 words)
Story 19: The Final Days — Post Date: August 29 (423 words)
Story 20: The Toad — Post Date: August 31 (2,091 words)

September 2002
Story 21: Genesis Revisited — Post Date: September 1 (804 words)
Story 22: Dreams and Bones — Post Date: September 3 (2,053 words)
Story 23: Heavy Metal Pews — Post Date: September 4 (661 words)
Story 24: My Lemon Tree — Post Date: September 5 (1,019 words)
Story 25: Filling in the Blanks — Post Date: September 6 (1,068 words)
Story 26: Paralyzing Definitions — Post Date: September 8 (488 words)
Story 27: A Way to Survive — Post Date: September 10 (1,483 words)
Story 28: The Death of a Tiny Bird — Post Date: September 11 (1,422 words)
Story 29: Nothing — Post Date: September 12 (1,530 words)
Story 30: Watching the Tide — Post Date: September 14 (1,808 words)
Story 31: Naneh and Her Friend the Sun — Post Date: September 15 (983 words)
Story 32: The Angel Who Questioned God — Post Date: September 17 (1,276 words)
Story 33: Why I Never Ride the Bus — Post Date: September 18 (532 words)
Story 34: Eight Plots in Search of an Author — Post Date: September 18 (1,166 words)
Story 35: Ugly — Post Date: September 19 (1,442 words)
Story 36: The Oil of Zozz — Post Date: September 21 (2,452 words)
Story 37: The Board of Education — Post Date: September 22 (1,408 words)
Story 38: Van Gogh’s Dream — Post Date: September 23 (200 words)
Story 39: A Senseless Story for Senseless Times — Post Date: September 25 (1,365 words)
Story 40: A Question of Balance — Post Date: September 26 (1,000 words)
Story 41: Melvin and Mel — Post Date: September 27 (1,292 words)
Story 42: I Know I’m Not Alone — Post Date: September 28 (947 words)
Story 43: Seto’s Grief — Post Date: September 29 (1,406 words)
Story 44: A Surprise Visit — Post Date: September 30 (1,110 words)


October 2002
Story 45: After the Storm — Post Date: October 1 (2,115 words)
Story 46: The Long Way Home — Post Date: October 2 (1,228 words)
Story 47: The Flip of a Coin — Post Date: October 3 (1,454 words)
Story 48: My Real Name — Post Date: October 4 (1,068 words)
Story 49: Her Real Name — Post Date: October 5 (1,500 words)
Story 50: The Light and the Dream — Post Date: October 7 (886 words)
Story 51: Ralph’s Dilemma — Post Date: October 8 (733 words)
Story 52: Ghosts — Post Date: October 9 (279 words)
Story 53: As It Is Written — Post Date: October 10 (687 words)
Story 54: The Story that Never Was — Post Date: October 11 (839 words)
Story 55: A Lesson to Remember — Post Date: October 12 (1,180 words)
Story 56: Jesus Was a Better Carpenter — Post Date: October 13 (1,714 words)
Story 57: How to Settle an Argument — Post Date: October 14 (1,038 words)
Story 58: The Man on the Sidewalk — Post Date: October 16 (550 words)
Story 59: Ice Cream — Post Date: October 16 (703 words)
Story 60: On Any Given Day — Post Date: October 17 (1,135 words)
Story 61: It’s Not for Me to Say — Post Date: October 18 (1,176 words)
Story 62: Timothy Leary’s Dead — Post Date: October 19 (877 words)
Story 63: Hard Times — Post Date: October 21 (605 words)
Story 64: The Ritual of Disorder — Post Date: October 22 (1,896 words)
Story 65: No Fault of His Own — Post Date: October 23 (1,443 words)
Story 66: Star Light, Star Bright — Post Date: October 24 (673 words)
Story 67: At the Front — Post Date: October 25 (943 words)
Story 68: The Strange Story of William Flumay — Post Date: October 26 (917 words)
Story 69: A Walk in the Park — Post Date: October 27 (1,528 words)
Story 70: A Lullaby for the Human Race — Post Date: October 29 (2,086 words)

Statistics
Consecutive days of writing: 90
Number of stories written: 70
Number of stories liked by my mother: 70
Number of words written: 86,865
Average number of words written each day: 965
Longest story: 3,284 words
Shortest story: 200 words
Average number of words per story: 1,241
Number of stories that take place on Mars: 1
Number of stories that take place on a bus: 2
Number of stories without punctuation: 1
Number of stories with only one paragraph: 4
Number of stories with one or more Armenian characters: 11
Number of stories in which a hitherto unknown language is used: 3
Number of stories in which each paragraph has the same number of lines: 9
Number of stories in which each paragraph begins with a consecutive letter of the alphabet, beginning with A and ending with Z: 1

No Time to Cut My Hair — All Stories Copyright © 2002 by William Michaelian
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